The Pharaoh's Unbirthday Present
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: Spoof on a commonly used plot line. Yami is pharaoh, and Malik is given to him as an unbirthday present. What could the pharaoh possibly want with him (like you can't figure that out from the summary). Read and be happyish


Geez, now I'm writing another spoof, proving I have too much time on me hands. Anyway, I was able to find and buy the Yugioh (subtitled) series episodes 1-32, and I was thinking about some of the different voices of the characters. Yeah, Bakura's voice jumped out at me the most. Ya see, for those who have only seen the dubb, he's voiced by a lady in the original. His voice was so light, though, I at first thought "Crap, is he actually a she and got turned into a he in the dubb because of future lesbian actions or something?!" Yes, I at first pondered this for quite some time, terribly fretting because I always thought Ryou was a sexy bitch, but now that he might be a she, I was pretty much thinking "The she whore must die!" (I have a thing where i don't like the female characters in anime series because they're always whiny, annoying, and always have to end up with the friggin main character while going through their damn dilemmas on their feelings over "insert male character" and how they can't go on without him). Then, a couple episodes later, I had it confirmed that, yes, Ryou is male, so I can now go on happily thinking of him as some sexy bizznatch who is quite drool worthy. Oh... in other stuff, I got this whole story plot idea from a reviewer a while ago who reminded me of the many 'Yugi is pharaoh, some dude is given to him as a present, and then much kinky stuff happens.' Yes, I have seen this done a million times or more, but kinda forgot about it because I usually try to keep away from such tedious plot lines. I will now exploit this story plot, for all you guys' enjoyment.

It was the pharaoh's unbirthday coming up, as it was everyday, so the people of Egypt had to go out buying him gifts and crap to please him. Sure, all they had access to were cheap ass vases, stupid rugs, and useless things that any normal pharaoh would probably have you beaten and killed for if you presented it to him, but that really isn't important because, as I have said countless times, this is a romance story, so logic doesn't matter. 

Malik and his daddy skimmed through the market place, looking for the most ghetto thing they could buy for the big cheese, for they were on a budget cuz they were saving up for one of them fancy, newly created circular wheels. They wouldn't be like the rest of those peasants who had carts with square wheels, no sirry! They'd be living the high life.

It was while they were walking through the market place of splendor when they ran into Seto, the Egyptian with a Japanese name (his parents were very original people), and all of his guards. They walked up to Malik's daddy, many bad things passing through their heads.

"Hey you," Seto began, "I don't know you, but that's okay cuz I'm of a way higher position, and can order you around anyway. Now, you see, I want your kid there to give to the pharaoh, even though he has a billion or more whores he knows what to do with, I'm sure one more won't hurt. Yes, and since your boy is blonde and blued eyed, a very rare commodity found amongst Egyptian people, the pharaoh will probably like him better because he'll now have somebody to relate to."

"No!" Ishtar senior shouted, "His eyes are violet, dammit, VIOLET!!!"

Seto was now angry. "I said they are blue, so there for they are blue!"

"Violet!"

"Blue!"

"Violet!"

"BLUE!!!"

As Seto and daddy Ishtar were about to get into a bitch slap contest, Malik timidly spoke up.

"Umm... why not just say they are periwinkle?"

Both looked at him in shock. Periwinkle, of course! What a wonderful yet neglected color. Sure, his eyes were to dark to be that shade, but since the name sounded fruity, they all agreed on it.

"Now then," Seto continued as if nothing had happened, "I will be taking your boy now, and you will not resist."

"Hell no!"

"Did I mention you'd be paid?"

Ishtar senior looked at Seto and then to his son. He then spoke.

"You know, you've always been a good kid, but I want them wheels more, so I'm afraid I'll have to give you to the nice young man here, k?"

Malik looked as if he betrayed while Seto looked bewildered.

"What? That's it? You aren't going to start up a fight for him or anything and just... hand him over???"

"Yep!"

"Oh... gee... you really don't know how these plot lines work, do you?"

"Ah no worries! You get the kid, and I get a new set of wheels! It's a win win situation if you think about it."

Seto just shrugged, had one of his posse hand papa Ishtar a money sack, and they then escorted Malik to the palace. Here they made sure to put the lil' bugger in some slutty garb and stuff to make ever lustful looking and then chucked him into the pharaoh's chamber. Here all Malik could do is sit and wait for the inevitable.

Meanwhile, the pharaoh was at his unbirthday party looking quite dismayed. Every year he was given so much useless crap that he had no use for, and it was starting to pile up the crap rooms underground. He would like it for once if he were given something different, something, rare and exotic, like a bacon potato pizza with mayonnaise. Of course, he was instead brought everything that he already had, everything unneeded. It was around this time that Seto walked over to him and to give him some rather pleasant news.

"Sire, I have found something for you, so rare and beautiful that you will be amazed."

"Oh?" The pharaoh seemed interested. Could it be that Seto had finally bought him the munchies and crunchies he ever so desired? The anticipation started to creep into his veins. He decided to retire for the night and go to his chamber, hoping to find what he had wanted more than anything.

The pharaoh opened the door, and walked inside quickly eager to find what awaited him... only to have his heart sink when he saw the blonde kid sleeping on his bed.

"... A kid on my bed... that's it? That's what he had me all riled up for?" He sighed. "Welp, duty calls." He went over to the bed and got on it. Malik immediately woke up to see some guy on top of him.

"Oh don't mind me," the pharaoh smiled, "I'm just here to butt rape you, so don't worry your little head!"

Now being in some strange room with some strange guy who wanted to shove some strange thing up Mr. Pooey was far from comforting to Malik. 

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!"

"Don't make me get out my whip now, ya hear?!"

What will happen to lil' Malik? Will Mr. Pooey remain an exit only? Did Mr. Ishtar ever get them square wheels he wanted? Find out in the next chapter of The Pharaoh's Unbirthday Present.


End file.
